Please add an extra line break in between paragraphs. As it is I often can't tell where one paragraph ends and the next begins here, which leads to a rather awkward reading experience.
Also when selecting hair length, 'length' is misspelled on multiple of the options (specifically chin and shoulder length).
Also also see if you can find a native english speaker to proofread or something. There's just a lot of small mistakes that add up. The story is good, I dont mean to discourage you or anything, but it needs a lot of clean up to be as good as it clearly could be.
Got something good here I hope it gets the attention it deserves.
I'm working on adding some breaks on the paragraphs, because you're right it makes a little weird and tiring to read, and I completely forgot to put it.
Thanks for the correction, I'll try to clean up the writing of the prologue and I found someone to mark the mistakes before I publish the chapters.
Loved the update, I just finished reading it and looking foward for moreee!!
and I'll be hoping to smooch Leon or Levi as soon as we got the chance <3(The others are cute too, I'll smooch them all! but i'll give priority to the cute young daddy and the grumpy b*tch, hahaha)
Just finished playing, and I am so hooked! I can't wait to uncover the MC's past. If our MC has some sort of royal blood or a similar background that would justify such a title, maybe she was stolen from her family? The fact that Roxane called Isma a demon suggests that our MC might also be one, albeit a Royal Demon? I don't know, I just want to romance Leon and Levi, muahahaha! this kinda reminds of rapunzel..
Just finished it and I gotta say I'm veryy curious about how it'll go (The comment claiming mother as mother Gothel stuck w/ me now I can't imagine her as anything but herππ). Another thing is, on Tumblr, have you done asks on??
I like it so far, I look forward to what's next. π I can't wait to find out what the freak took place and what MCs future holds.
If I do have any feedback: My only thing would be( something that I don't mind trying to get used to, as you update. )- But the text being typed in a bullet point kind of style. It was making it hard to get really into it- immersion wise. It sometimes felt like I was just stating actions and events; versus reading a plot. Almost how poems are written in lines.
Mind you, this isn't really a huge issue. It doesn't make your game unbearable to read at all. I think it's more of a personal qualm than anything, my mind is just used to seeing paragraph format.
Hi! I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for the feedback!
Yes, this part of the prologue is very to the point. I didn't really stop to think about it, but I went to see the second part that I wrote, and it is more in paragraph format than the released part. I think it's because I had more things to write about, like character descriptions, enviorement and etc. But I'll take a better look at it and try to improve it for the next update!
It's giving rapunzel.. i totaaally didn't sing mother knows best from tangled while playing this... π
I loved it tho. It's a great start. A few typos here and there but honestly who gives a shit as long as the story is great lol and it is. I'm excited to meet everyone else. And Levi can suck it.. ima make them love me πβ₯οΈ
I'm really glad you liked it!! Roxanne is totally a Gothel kk I'm glad that the typos did not interfere with the reading , I'll take a look at it again but if you see any typos you can totally tell me, It helps a lot. :)
And last but not less important...Levi might be bad...
but not as bad as the fall they will have for you. β₯
Aaaand you just made me want to romance them more.. good job!! I will see if I can take screenshots for you. And also dude go get your rest! You deserve it take care of yourself β₯οΈ
As far as typos go. I think "illuminating" is the only one I saw. You fixed the other's but I also noticed where Isma calls MC "My Lord" or could be "My leige" i only read it once after all is missing. I will attach some screenshots for you tho. And this was kinda fun reading through again. Like playing where is Waldo π€£
Yes, I realized that error only when i went to bed kkkk I changed the variable's name, because of the mc's pronouns, so Isma's part wasn't working . I fix it now! Thanks
Hi there, i just started and im loving it so far. There's a typo in the scene where our mother absolutely bitchslaps the shit out of me. In case you wanted to fix it
β Return to game
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I think you accidentaly wrote CM instead of M when putting the characters heights. 1,93 CM is quite short :)
Please add an extra line break in between paragraphs. As it is I often can't tell where one paragraph ends and the next begins here, which leads to a rather awkward reading experience.
Also when selecting hair length, 'length' is misspelled on multiple of the options (specifically chin and shoulder length).
Also also see if you can find a native english speaker to proofread or something. There's just a lot of small mistakes that add up. The story is good, I dont mean to discourage you or anything, but it needs a lot of clean up to be as good as it clearly could be.
Got something good here I hope it gets the attention it deserves.
Hi!
I'm working on adding some breaks on the paragraphs, because you're right it makes a little weird and tiring to read, and I completely forgot to put it.
Thanks for the correction, I'll try to clean up the writing of the prologue and I found someone to mark the mistakes before I publish the chapters.
Thanks for the feedback. :)
Good so far. I take it English isn't your first language?
Thanks! No, my first language is portuguese. :)
God, you changed a lot of the beginning dude!
Loved what you added and loved the Ro's!! (
officially a Siena simp)ππLoved the update, I just finished reading it and looking foward for moreee!!
and I'll be hoping to smooch Leon or Levi as soon as we got the chance <3(The others are cute too, I'll smooch them all! but i'll give priority to the cute young daddy and the grumpy b*tch, hahaha)
Thanks! kskskks
i love this story ohmygodddd when is the next update cominggg
I'm glad you like it! :D
About the next update, i'm not very sure about a specific date. But I want to post it before june (let's see if my cram course will let me ksks).
i just wanted a matheus in my life π€§
We all need a Matheus in our lifes ksksk
I WILL make levi love me
π
Also Woah I wasn't expecting that reveal. And I adored every interaction with the ROs. This was such a good IF β₯οΈ
Thaaakssss!!! β₯οΈβ₯οΈβ₯οΈ
Soon, let Levi get their time, they are still in shock ksksks
Loved the update, can't wait for more!
Thanks!! β₯οΈβ₯οΈβ₯οΈ
Just Passing to say that I really liked It! The story is good( and I have to agree it is soo Tangled vibes! )Roxaneiskindaofhotmustsay,bye!π€
Dude sjdksdjsandj Thanks!<3<3
WAIT WHY IS THIS LOWK GIVING RAPUNZEL loving this already
It truly has Rapunzel vibes! kksksks
And I'm glad you're liking it! ;D
Just finished playing, and I am so hooked! I can't wait to uncover the MC's past. If our MC has some sort of royal blood or a similar background that would justify such a title, maybe she was stolen from her family? The fact that Roxane called Isma a demon suggests that our MC might also be one, albeit a Royal Demon? I don't know, I just want to romance Leon and Levi, muahahaha! this kinda reminds of rapunzel..
I'm glad you liked it! β‘
I can't really say anything about it because... of spoilersππππ but Leon and Levi are comming soon don't worry :p
Good game! loved the story so far, keeping going!π
Thank you ! I'm glad you liked it <3333
Just finished it and I gotta say I'm veryy curious about how it'll go (The comment claiming mother as mother Gothel stuck w/ me now I can't imagine her as anything but herππ). Another thing is, on Tumblr, have you done asks on??
"Mother Gothel" is totally the best adjective for her kkkk She's kinda of a bad person...
And for the Tumblr question, I haven't done but feel free to ask something if you want :) β€
She was my first crushππ
And ofc! I (
mostly only send rizz lines on anon asks) will get back 2 ya if I think of anything to ask!Dude...You're crushes must be wild kskksks! (loved it β‘)
And sure! :)
I like it so far, I look forward to what's next. π I can't wait to find out what the freak took place and what MCs future holds.
If I do have any feedback: My only thing would be ( something that I don't mind trying to get used to, as you update. )- But the text being typed in a bullet point kind of style. It was making it hard to get really into it- immersion wise. It sometimes felt like I was just stating actions and events; versus reading a plot. Almost how poems are written in lines.
Mind you, this isn't really a huge issue. It doesn't make your game unbearable to read at all. I think it's more of a personal qualm than anything, my mind is just used to seeing paragraph format.
Hi! I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for the feedback!
Yes, this part of the prologue is very to the point. I didn't really stop to think about it, but I went to see the second part that I wrote, and it is more in paragraph format than the released part. I think it's because I had more things to write about, like character descriptions, enviorement and etc. But I'll take a better look at it and try to improve it for the next update!
Thank you very much for your opinion! β₯οΈ
It's giving rapunzel.. i totaaally didn't sing mother knows best from tangled while playing this... π
I loved it tho. It's a great start. A few typos here and there but honestly who gives a shit as long as the story is great lol and it is. I'm excited to meet everyone else. And Levi can suck it.. ima make them love me πβ₯οΈ
I'm really glad you liked it!! Roxanne is totally a Gothel kk I'm glad that the typos did not interfere with the reading , I'll take a look at it again but if you see any typos you can totally tell me, It helps a lot. :)
And last but not less important...Levi might be bad...
but not as bad as the fall they will have for you. β₯
(...I'll just leave now. I need to sleep <3)
Aaaand you just made me want to romance them more.. good job!! I will see if I can take screenshots for you. And also dude go get your rest! You deserve it take care of yourself β₯οΈ
As far as typos go. I think "illuminating" is the only one I saw. You fixed the other's but I also noticed where Isma calls MC "My Lord" or could be "My leige" i only read it once after all is missing. I will attach some screenshots for you tho. And this was kinda fun reading through again. Like playing where is Waldo π€£
Yes, I realized that error only when i went to bed kkkk I changed the variable's name, because of the mc's pronouns, so Isma's part wasn't working . I fix it now! Thanks
Hi there, i just started and im loving it so far. There's a typo in the scene where our mother absolutely bitchslaps the shit out of me. In case you wanted to fix it
Thanks for the feedback! I'll fix it, and I'm glad you enjoyed it so far :)
No problem, happy to help luvπ
It has a very thrilling beginning β¨. I'm eager for more ^^.
I'm glad you liked it!! β‘β‘β‘
Wow what a great start. I can already tell I'm going to love it
Ow! Thank you β‘